Parental Cancer and its Effects on Kids
Written by: Ava Lombardi
When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, the news affects the entire family. Spouses often take on added responsibilities, managing day-to-day tasks and accompanying their partner to appointments. Extended family and close friends may offer support by sending meals or scheduling visits. For children, however, their role in their parent’s cancer journey is less defined — yet it can have a profound impact on their wellbeing and development.
As of 2024, the number of early onset cancer cases – or those occurring in adults under 50 years old – is increasing by 1% to 2% annually. This means that a significant number of the child-bearing age population is affected by the disease, thus more and more children are dealing with a parent’s diagnosis. Among the most common cancers found in younger adults is breast cancer; for a small child, coping with their parent’s – specifically their mother’s – illness can be terrifying, and may lead to short-term and long-term challenges.
The effects of parental cancer on a child can vary slightly depending on age. Preschoolers who are watching their mother or father undergo treatment often exhibit signs of insomnia due to their own ideas and understanding of the situation, while school-aged children are usually more affected by the physical symptoms of the diagnosis and treatment, especially if their parent is an outpatient. These kids tend to be more impacted by feelings of guilt and helplessness.
Many of the physical effects of parental cancer on children – dizziness, fatigue, loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping, to name a few – disappear after their mother or father goes into remission. However, the mental consequences may last longer. Children who suffer from chronic stress as a result of their parent’s illness are at an increased risk of developing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, anxiety and depression and substance abuse.
Parental cancer can also take a toll on a child’s social life and skills. The physical impairments a parent experiences while undergoing treatment may leave them unable to take their kids to activities or to see their friends, disrupting their child’s regular routine at a critical time in their development. Additionally, children may begin to exhibit symptoms of separation anxiety due to fears of missing out on quality time with their parent, isolating themselves from other kids and experiences.
The mental, physical and social impacts of parental cancer can affect children of any age and demographic. However, they are exacerbated when a parent’s illness begins to affect a family’s safety and security. For instance, when a parent can no longer afford their rent because the cost of treatment is so high, and they are forced to uproot their children during an already challenging time. Parents who are struggling to pay their medical bills may not be able to keep their children properly clothed or fed, and those who do not have a spouse or a strong support system may be unable to take their children to school due to their physical state or treatment schedule. A child’s world shifts the moment they learn their parent is sick, but for too many, this often leads to devastating and inequitable hardships.
No matter the situation, it is so important to offer children affected by parental cancer the compassion and resources necessary to understand and cope with their trauma. After receiving and coming to terms with their diagnosis, parents must approach the subject from their child’s perspective, sharing the news and the plan in an honest, age-appropriate way. The level of detail a parent provides will be dependent on their child’s age and emotional awareness: preschoolers do not need to be burdened with terminology or treatment plans, but should be prepared for the physical changes their parent will experience, as well as the limitations their parent may have for some time. School-aged children may be more curious about the type of cancer and timeline of treatment, and often need more reassurance that they did nothing to cause their parent’s suffering.
Healthcare professionals can also help alleviate some of the pressure that falls on a parent following a cancer diagnosis. Parents may ask their oncologists to answer some of their children’s questions about their disease and treatment plan. Hospital social workers and patient navigators can offer emotional support and educational resources, and may even aid in arranging child care and transportation. As a parent affected by cancer, it is important to watch for any signs of mental or physical distress in kids and turn to a professional if you believe your child is suffering.
There are a number of organizations dedicated to helping children and families maintain a sense of normalcy following a cancer diagnosis. Below are a few we recommend:
● Camp Kesem: Ensuring that every child affected by a parent’s cancer is never alone.
● Cancer in the Family Relief Fund: Providing normalcy to children while a parent is focusing on treatment and recovery.
● Walk With Sally: Dedicated to lessening the burden of cancer for children and families through critical programs and services through mentorship, mental health support, art healing and financial empowerment.
● Bright Spot Network: provides young cancer survivors who are parents of small children with a safe space for individual and familial healing, recovery, and reconnection.
Children are known for their incredible resilience and optimism. While it is a parent’s instinct to protect their kids from life’s hardships, a cancer diagnosis demands honesty and communication. Taking the time to educate yourself and your child and remaining vigilant about their health, as well as your own, is the best thing you can do. Creating a foundation of trust and support will help a child navigate even the toughest situations with awareness, empathy and courage.